Blah blah blog...

Since I got back from Vietnam and Indonesia, I just haven't been able to sit down and write something.... the desire is there for me to capture my thoughts and share my ramblings but it's just not translating into action.  So the other day I was lamenting the fact to my friend Hannah (the one who introduced me to the world of blogging)  that I want to blog more honestly.  As if I was the only one reading what I wrote.  Kind of scary...  I'm already conscious that this will be read... haha.... So why blog more honestly... why not?!   I've always appreciated honesty in the literature I read so I figured since one day this blog will become a best seller I better start talking straight sooner rather than later....  I can't say I'll write bear-bones embarrassingly honest every post... but I'm gonna try.... it might be censored.... it might not.   You know when you watch a movie, usually some lame-comedy, there's always that one scene you watch and just feel so uncomfortable... you know what I mean, you feel so embarrassed for whichever character is making you cringe.... ohhh.....   I hope I don't do that in this blog. So here comes a list... it's not exhaustive.... it's just a collection of honest thoughts/feelings as of right now!

1 - If I had to leave Sudan tomorrow I would be happy.
2 - Why is it so hard for me to be disciplined?
3 - I am not true to myself because I'm worried what others will think - which is why I'm writing honestly...
4 - Once I post this entry, tomorrow morning when I wake up I'll be having second thoughts about half of what I wrote.
5 - I'm worried I'm gonna miss out on something in life..... but I don't know what that is.... or maybe it's that I feel I am supposed to accomplish something.
6 - Aid worker vernacular is pretty lame.... it's so high and mighty.... we have all the answers.... yet we come from countries that are more manipulative, capitalistic and mentally unstable than the ones we work in - which has nothing to do with our speech.... but the thoughts kept flowing so I wrote.
7 - This all seems quite negative... but somehow therapeutic.
8 - I would love to be downtown Toronto, late night, skateboarding right now.
9 - I feel I would make a good psychiatrist but won't even consider going back to school for that long - even if the job would be super fulfilling.
10 - I DO miss out, because I'm not willing to put forth the effort. Short term for Long term gain stuff...
11 - This is the point where I'm supposed to write something religious/relational so you know I still love Jesus  - because your perception of me is so important.
12 - I love Jesus - but my life doesn't always show this.
13 - Vietnam and Indonesia was the best trip I've been on!!!
14 - When I dream, I usually experience this strong feeling of wanderlust.
15 - Someone pointed out a true positive characteristic about me that my insecurity just doesn't notice and it impacted me so much I almost broke down and cried.  Others have pointed this out to me too.... I'm starting to believe.
16 - What's the measuring device for insecurity?
16 - Dream job to be a drummer in a band.
17 - Too much work and not enough sleep this week is making me nuts....

The picture..... that's me coming back from going ATV'ing in the desert.  Too much fun!!!